Realistic Help for When You Don’t Love Homeschooling

How do we keep going when we wake up one day and realize that all of the lessons, all of the crafts, and all of the joy is gone? How do we move forward when we realize we don’t love homeschooling?

Like all things in life, homeschooling has seasons.

Some go well and are ridiculously smooth. Projects are completed, lessons are learned, and dinner is always on the table (and it’s on time, too!).

But others? Well, other seasons are far more challenging. Projects are constantly being pushed aside because time or supplies are short. Lessons are a struggle and fight. And dinner? Well, let’s just say, you are trying to remember the last time you cooked and where all of the take-out menus are.

These challenging seasons are the ones that have you questioning your sanity about homeschooling. They have you wondering if you are failing your kids somehow, pondering why everyone else makes it look so easy, and looking up the phone number for the local school district.

But before you throw in the towel, let me help you. Let me let you in on a secret and offer you some realistic suggestions to help you when you find yourself in a season where you don’t love homeschooling.

Wait, How Can A Homeschooler Not Love Homeschooling?

Let’s get real for a moment and understand we can’t and won’t always love homeschooling our kids.

What?!

via GIPHY

It’s true! Try as we might to keep this little detail a secret, all homeschool families go through a season that can only be described as rough.

A time when homeschooling saps the life out of us and makes us want to wave a white flag of surrender.

Our homes are messier than we like. We order out or serve one too many boxes of mac and cheese. And we wonder when the last time we showered was as we watch all of our perfectly currated homeschool systems fall by the wayside.

Educating at home, whether you have an only child or enough to start your own sports team, is hard work. It creates a burden in our lives that most of our well-meaning friends and family tell us to not take on… a burden that non-homeschooling families don’t understand.

So what do we do when we wake up one morning realizing we aren’t in love with the life we have created?

When we hit the snooze button one too many times in the morning because instead of being excited to start our day, we are dreading it?

Where do you turn when you come to the realization that even though you love being a homeschooler, you don’t actually love homeschooling?

Such a thought feels so wrong. Like you can’t be having this thought because you chose this lifestyle.

You feel like you are in some sort of alternate universe with a secret too large to even allow it another moment of space in your brain. Yet, at the same time, you know it’s true and that, my friend, cuts you to the core.

And instead of working through this thought and these feelings you keep going. On auto-pilot, you brew the coffee and wake the kids and start your day.

Yet you’re on edge and snappy.

Impatient that the lesson that went well yesterday seems to be forgotten making today’s take longer.

Frustrated that your son didn’t file his papers yesterday as he should have or that your daughter left the caps off the markers and now they cannot be used.

You find yourself flustered by the questions that seem to have nothing to do with the task at hand… but your kids keep asking anyway.

In short, you are defeated, broken, and unsure of yourself.

Let’s Get Real About Homeschooling For A Minute

The reality is that homeschooling is hard.

It’s endless days of lessons and lesson planning, crafts and buying more supplies, reading books, and working on book projects.

It’s evenings filled with messy counters because the science experiment needs space to grow. Walls that are covered with maps and timelines and calendars.

Siblings that argue. Pencils that get lost. Curricula that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. And lunch that becomes a chore rather than a break from the learning…

All the while, your favorite bloggers post about how fabulously their days are going.

The co-op leader just congratulated her children on yet again making it into the state science fair.

And your friend’s kid seems to be flying through their materials while you simply crawl.

Meanwhile, you don’t love homeschooling AND you don’t know where to turn, who to talk to, or how to fix it.

You know you don’t want to quit – on homeschooling or your kids – but you have no clue how to make it better. How to do better. How to be better at something that people remind you is just a “natural extension of parenting.”

Yeah. I get it.

Homeschooling is hard.

It’s long days with short patience.

It’s endless questions with far too few answers.

And it’s both the best and the hardest thing to do.

And while I can’t tell you an exact formula for success…. I can’t tell you which programs will work 100% for you or which learning style truly is the best… I can tell you that if you keep going, keep searching for answers, and trying new things, you will find something that sticks. Something that makes it better for all of you.

You will find a routine or a system that’s perfect and when that moment hits, it’s pretty much the best homeschooling moment ever!

But, while you are waiting for that elusive moment, I want you to try. Keep trying, actually.

And to help, I’m giving you five practical tips for when you realize that you don’t currently love homeschooling… but also know it’s not time to wave the white flag of surrender.

Tips to help you manage this season and come out on the other side stronger. based on the life of a fellow homeschooler who has also had moments where she questioned everything.

5 Helpful Tips For When You Don’t Love Homeschooling

So. You don’t love homeschooling, huh? Worse, you feel like it’s a big old secret that you can’t share with the world because they will only see you as a failure.

They won’t see the hours you put into researching learning styles and curricula options. Or the special chair you bought for your fidgety child.

They don’t see the time you spend looking for just the right art supplies for your artistic kid. The fun notebooks you bought to help your children find joy in writing.

What they do see is the messier-than-normal house and the messier-than-normal you and, in their own ignorance, suggest putting the kids in public school.

But deep down you know that quitting is not right. You know there is a better way, but you can’t seem to find it.

Well, now, I am going to share with you to share 5 tips to help you reset your homeschool. Five ideas to help you get back on track. Five ways you can get back to at least liking homeschooling.

Tip #1: When You Don’t Love Homeschooling… Take A Break!

Sure this first one may sound easy, but honestly, it’s the most vital.

If homeschooling is sucking the proverbial life out of you and your kids, tuck the books away and take a break. Declare a day off, or a long weekend, or take even longer if you need it.

Use this time to allow all of you to come up for air.

Sleep in, create a fun breakfast, and spend the day lounging. Maybe read a book for fun or play a board game simply for the joy of it. Watch too much TV, eat popcorn in the living room, and order a pizza for dinner. Clean the crust off the kitchen counter, wash and dry a load of laundry in a single day, and take a shower just because you can. 

Basically, stop making everything about learning and checking off those educational boxes because, in reality, home education can take over our lives if we let it.

Simply go back to being Mom and let your kids be kids and see how freeing it can be.

Tip #2: When You Don’t Love Homeschooling… Banish Joy-Killing Classes!

Yeah, you know the ones… the classes that bring no joy to you or the kids, but you drag both of you through each day because the state, the co-op, the reporting agency, or even yourself says it’s required.

Now I am not saying ignore your local homeschool laws. I am staying, if a class sucks the life out of all of you, find a different way to fulfill the requirement.

For us, this was art and for the longest time, the kids and I all did art every Friday. The problem was, only one of us liked art, and it wasn’t me… but I thought a well-rounded education must include art.

Wrong! As an adult, I have never used any of the art lessons in my life past the three primary colors. For us, it was simply a class that was bringing us all down when taught as an individual course.

So we ditched it – and here is where I tell you to do the same.

Does this mean my kids never have any art exposure or instruction? Nope. It does mean that rather than having each of the kids in an individual course, our approach is based on interest.

So for one of my kids, art is a full-on course that is done individually. For others, it’s completing science pages and diagrams and drawings in history. For others, it’s painting at the table. And for some, it’s nothing more than learning about famous artists and paintings during history.

The point is, it was a class that was draining us, plain and simple. Yet, when no longer required, it becomes something of interest in a new way. My son may not care to draw a Mayflower for art class, but as a non-intimidating part of history, he’s on board. And my daughter, well she gets to enjoy a class that she is passionate about without the rest of us dragging her down.

Tip #3: When You Don’t Love Homeschooling… Combine Classes!

If you are teaching 6-8 courses, individually, to each of your children, you, my friend, are drowning yourself in needless stress and redundancy.

Now I’m not saying that every course can be combined – but some can be.

History and Language Arts are both combined here and while it’s not perfect, it does work. All of the kids start with me, together, and we go over the basics of our history lesson, together. From there, we break off to dig deeper.

The same goes for Language Arts. We start together, then branch out. This allows me to work with all four of my children at one time, on two of our four core classes! This saves us all a whole lot of time. It also allows the kids to work and learn together. Skills like reading aloud, group projects, and they even get to take turns leading the lessons from time to time.

Tip #4: When You Don’t Love Homeschooling… Plan For You, Not The Planner!

For a couple of years, we completely ditched planning. It was both terrifying and freeing but more importantly, it allowed us to find the freedom that homeschooling is supposed to bring.

During those years we simply surrounded ourselves with resources that would help us move forward and towards our goals.

Without the pressure to stick to a rigid schedule, days off were no problem. And if we decided to dig deeper into a subject we could without feeling the pressure of falling behind. 

Gradually, and on our own terms, I did return to planning. With some trial and error, I found a planner that worked for our home and homeschool. A planner that allows me to be organized but free. Scheduled but spontaneous. And in control of the tool, rather than being controlled by it.

It took time. Patience. And a whole lot of trial and error – but it was worth it because we found our grove. Found what worked for us.

So right here, right now, I’m telling you it’s ok to ditch the planner if your planner is causing you unnecessary stress and creating a home environment you are not loving.

Put the well-meaning pencil down and stop scheduling out every moment of each day. Instead, simply open a book or turn on the computer and see where the day takes you.

Tip #5: When You Don’t Love Homeschooling… Make Your Schedule Work For You!

Ideally, one based on the current rhythm of your home.

And if you don’t know what that looks like, start paying attention to things like:

• When do people naturally wake up?
• When do people naturally have energy and focus?
• When are people naturally hungry, tired, etc.?
• When do you have co-op meetings, extracurricular activities, doctor’s appointments, etc.?
• How long can your kids truly focus?
• What outside stimuli help, and what hurts, your day’s progress? (Think pets needing to go outside, school bus schedule, even delivery trucks.)
• What evening activities do you typically have?
• When does Daddy come home?

By looking at the natural rhythm of your home and working your school day around it, you can easily remove some pitfalls.

In our house, this means school starts officially around 9 am… however, if the kids want to start early they can do so independently. Before 9 am, I am working on other stuff. Once 9 am hits, all of that is pushed aside and school is my focus until at least lunchtime.

And during our school hours, I am completely devoted. Anything that might cause me to be distracted is put away so school gets 100% of my attention.

Our days follow a predictable rhythm, rather than a set schedule. We start together on combined classes then branch off for the independent ones, helping where needed.

But every day, there is a predictable ebb and flow that allows us to stay focused and know what is coming next.

After lunch, the younger kids are usually done but the older ones typically have items to finish up. Our goal, however, is to wrap up our school days by 3. This allows us all some downtime and some much-needed chore time for the house before the evening brings its own set of demands.

Yet, there was a time when I felt I needed to start school at 8 am, have a morning basket for 15 minutes, followed by nice little 40-minute blocks of each subject… on and on we’d march until a break for lunch and recess and then pick right back up.

It was stifling for all involved.

But by watching the natural rhythm of our home I was able to see a pattern that evolved naturally that, with a little tweaking, create a homeschool system that works for most of us most days. 

You Don’t Have To Always Love Homeschooling To Keep Going

Like many things we do in life, things that are big and important and carry a lot of weight, homeschooling is not always going to be easy… Nor will it be all Instagram-worthy images and days filled with fun and laughter.

There are going to be days and weeks that are challenging, lessons that will take longer than you think, concepts that just don’t stick… I could go on and on.

Yet, shifting, even one thing at a time, and being willing to make the changes needed, will allow you to once again find the love you had for homeschooling back when you first began – even if right now you aren’t completely in love with homeschooling.

Find Even More Help For Your Homeschool Here!

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