To The Defeated Homeschool Momma
Dear Defeated Homeschool Momma,
It seems like you are fighting an uphill battle.
Lessons, painstakingly planned, go uncompleted.
Unfinished projects litter your desk and counters.
Your home is neglected and the chores line up each and every day.
Yet every day is a whirlwind of activities and you are left exhausted by the end.
Each day feels overwhelming.
Each day is a more impossible mountain to climb than the previous one.
You look for help and are given only snippets of grand days from homeschoolers who seem to have it all together and couldn’t possibly understand.
You look around and see everyone else succeeding.
Happy children learning.
Proud momma’s smiling.
Counters cleaned and laundry neatly put away.
[bctt tweet=”Each day feels overwhelming. Each day a more impossible mountain to climb than the previous one.” username=”hopeinthechaos”]
You feel like giving up.
You worry that you cannot do this anymore, or worse, lack the ability.
And you begin questioning why you even started homeschooling in the first place.
You wonder if you should just put the kids back in public school. “It may not be ideal, but it’s got to be better than what I am doing,” you think to yourself as sit down at the end of a long day.
Stacks of ungraded papers line your desk and you wonder where the joy and the happiness went.
You are not alone
No, dear defeated homeschool Momma, you are not alone.
Day in and day out countless other homeschool Mommas wonder the very same things.
They wonder if little Johnny should be writing more in his journals.
And if little Suzie should still be using her fingers to figure out her math problems.
They stress over keeping up with public school peers or family members who are enrolled in school, and doubting relatives who quiz their children over family gatherings do nothing to assure you of your decision.
You are not alone in wondering if your overly-bouncy and slightly unfocused child would benefit from some additional assistance, assistance better accessible through a public school setting.
And you are not the only Mom debating if the “perfect” curriculum is somehow not so perfect anymore.
Rather, you are in a stressful season.
A season filled with too many tasks and too few hours.
A season of comparison to others that no matter how meaningful has left you afraid of failure.
This season is par for the course and one that just about every homeschooling parent can tell you, it will pass.
But You Have To Push Through
You have to be willing to look at yourself in the mirror and admit: you can do this. You are not the problem. Yes, there is a problem, but it’s not you. It may be the expectations you placed on your children or your curriculum choices. It may be your home environment or simply the size of your to-do list.
But it is beatable.
No matter the issue, no matter the struggle – you can overcome this. You can defeat this season of overwhelm and doubt.
First, though, you need to just breathe. Acknowledge the problem. Write it all down. Every fear, every worry, every stress. Then, you can begin working to figure it out. And you need to seek out some help.
It could be as simple as maybe little Suzie needs to work more on flashcards and memorization to help with her math. And little Johnny just might be able to write more than you know but wasn’t given the time or inspiration to do so.
Your bouncy and unfocused child may simply need a better outlet for their energy and some built-in breaks or a change in diet. That perfect curriculum may be perfect for others, but not perfect for you and may be time to just change it out.
You may need to take a look at your plans, your books, and your ideas, and see if they are achievable. And you may need to cut back on expectations both for yourself and your children.
And give your family some much-needed grace.
[bctt tweet=”You may need to cut back on your expectations and give your family some much-needed grace.” username=”hopeinthechaos”]
The Difference Between A Break and Quitting
And it could be as simple as taking a break. A few days, or more, of unschooling and decompressing.
A few days of unstructured fun, letting imaginations run wild and the textbooks gather some dust.
Days of going back to the basics of childhood, rather than back to the basics of learning and standards set by society. Perhaps looking into how to relieve stress because a stressed mom cannot teach and a stressed learner cannot learn.
You know your children best, dear defeated homeschool Momma. You know if they are ready for multiplication or Shakespeare, The Roman Empire, or chemistry. You. Not the scope and sequence. Not the well-intentioned stranger who looks at you with doubt. The naysayers who cause you to doubt yourself.
So scrap the books and lesson plans for a day, a week, a month. Whatever you need to recharge and reconnect as a family.
Take the time you need to get caught up on the laundry and the projects around the house that often get ignored.
Create a system and a home that increases productivity and efficiency. A system that will be welcomed when at last you are ready to continue on your homeschool journey.
A journey that is long.
One that is challenging and tiring, but one that is worth far more than you can ever imagine at this moment in time.
Take a break, dear defeated homeschooling Momma, and recharge your batteries to see if you are positive it’s time to quit, or simply overwhelmed and in need of a moment to simply breathe.
Looking For Help?
Here are some resources that can assist you in revamping your homeschool. Resources to help you set your mission, get back on track, and homeschool with confidence rather than despair.
Revamping Your Homeschool
Drafting A Mission Statement For Your Homeschool – Creating a mission statement will help remind you why you do what you do every day. A valuable tool for days when it all seems like too much.
Evaluating Your Child’s Learning Style – Learning how your child learns best is vital to ensure you both enjoy your time homeschooling. Teach them the way they learn and watch the how much this benefits them!
Finding Balance Between Homeschool and Home – Creating a schedule, or at least a routine, to help keep your days focused and your plans in order.
Need A Different Curriculum?
Curriculum recommendations from bloggers who have tried them out. Just remember, there is no “one-size fits all” curriculum. What works for one family may not work for yours.
Hope In The Choas – A collection of my favorite homeschool resources.
Homeschool On – A large, in-depth list from a veteran homeschooler.
Hip Homeschool Moms – Don’t get overwhelmed, because this list is lengthy!
Need some more personal encouragement to get through your challenging season? Send me an email at kelly@hopeinthechaos.com and let’s start coming up with some ideas to get you out of this rut, together!
Kelly Warner is a seasoned homeschooling mom from Maine, where she lives with her husband and their four children—two of whom are proud homeschool graduates. With years of experience navigating the ups and downs of home education, Kelly is passionate about helping families simplify their journey and find encouragement amidst the chaos of daily life. She shares practical tips, inspiration, and real-life homeschooling wisdom on her website, Hope In The Chaos, and across social media.
I so totally understand the defeated mama syndrome. I’ve been there so many times in the 7 years I’ve been homeschooling. I even put five of my seven kids into public school this year…three of which were back home within 2 weeks. It’s been quite a constant learning curve, but one thing I realized this year with our public school experience is that no education is perfect. There will ALWAYS be holes of some kind. But, we must pick and choose which holes are less important to us, and what topics are MOST important to ensure our children learn. For me, my moral guidelines, teaching of emotional intelligence, and general love for learning overall trumps learning for a test to look good on paper. In everything there are pros and cons…we just have to choose which matters more to us based on our values. Neither road is easier. They both have their hard…we must choose our hard. Thanks for the reminder to be gentle with my expectations. I recently returned to the Robinson curriculum (simplified) and I am SOOOOO much happier because of it. When we keep it simple, my emotions can totally handle it all. The second I try to “keep up with the homeschooling Joneses,” I break down. Shocker, right? lol.
JulieAnn,
Thank you for your comment. The pressure to keep up with the “homeschooling Jones'” is so huge, and a sure fire way to get burned out as you said. While I have never placed my children back in public school, I will admit there was a time I seriously considered it. It was all so overwhelming – I had no idea how I was going to continue or manage it all. Like you, I evaluated our homeschool priorities, developed a list of items that were non-negotiable and some that were, and kept on researching and learning how to do it all. In the end, when we look back at the years we are putting into our children’s education I think we will see where we could have done better, but more importantly, I think we will see where our fears were unwarranted, even if they are real. When it’s all said and done, our children will be educated to the best of our abilities and their own efforts. And as long as we are trying every day, that’s all we can ask for.
-Kelly
Thank you for your honesty, I am feeling this homeschool jones and I feel defeated. My expectation has dissolve and I am wondering if I should put him back in public school. But I will breath, reset, find simply ways and try again because my son deserved a safe place to learn and people around him that loves him and want to keep him safe. I also want to find ways to keep him focus and have joy for learning. I also need to remove all distraction and then give us some grace. It will get better with time. I just have to believe and write all my fears, worries, to do list and see how I can resolve some of my unmet expectation and remove those that are not important.
Hi Tiffany,
I’m so sorry to hear you feeling defeated, but I get it. On the outside (or from the outside), homeschooling looks so easy. We see images and dream of beautiful mornings filled with wonderful story time, a family breakfast, and sleepy children who are excited to learn. We hope for afternoons ripe with exploration and success. And we plan for evenings that run so smoothly, nothing could possibly go wrong. We set ourselves up with the expectation that this will be easy, straightforward, and simple.
And then life happens. The washer breaks or we forget to schedule an appointment. Math lessons take longer than we thought they would, and science experiments fail. Babies cry and toddlers tantrum (along with teens), and all the while we feel so defeated because our homeschool looks far too much like life and not nearly enough like the images we see on social media.
And then we think it’s us. We swirl in our mind and feel the failure, take the struggles personally.
I feel your pain, Tiffany, and even the desire to put your son back in public school (I even quit homeschooling myself one time!) I know exactly how it feels to watch this beautiful thing crumble right in front of you and for your hear to ache and want nothing more than to go back to the way things were.
But you have it right, my friend, in that you need to give yourself both some grace. Take time to transition, and enjoy the process (even the challenging parts). Know that homeschooling can be challenging, just like parenting is. There will be good days, bad days, wonderful days, and no-good-dirty-rotten ones as well. And each one is perfectly normal and par for the course.
I encourage you to keep searching, Tiffany, for the perfect grove for you and your son. To let go of expectations and simply homeschool with the freedom to fail (we tried it a few years ago, and it was amazing!). And, if you have a chance, join some groups (local or online groups), and find your people.
This journey is challenging, especially for the defeated homeschool mamas out there, but I hope, Tiffany, that in time, you will find yourself on the other side! 🙂
And while you are getting there, feel free to take a look at these posts that I think will encourage you a bit more:
Homeschooling Is HARD, but Still Worth It!
Help For When You Don’t Love Homeschooling
How I Know You Can Successfully Homeschool Your Child
Thank you for reaching out, Tiffany. Have a fabulous afternoon!
-Kelly
I loved this! Yes, you are not alone! I think as homeschooling moms we place way too much pressure on ourselves and our children. Thank you for being honest and genuine. I appreciate all your down to earth advice.
Thank you, SmallMomentsMatter! We do tend to put too much pressure on ourselves and our children, as you said. And all that pressure does is make us feel insecure and unable to complete the task.
-Kelly
Thank you for this encouragement. Having a tough few weeks which is leading to so many negative thoughts about my abilities.
Melissa,
I am glad this was encouraging to you! I think a lot of times as homeschoolers we feel compelled to keep the bad days under wraps – to hide the struggles out of fear we will be told we should just quit. Homeschooling can be a wonderful experience, but it is also a long road full of busy days and a multitude of tasks and options. I am sorry to hear that you are in a rough season, and I hope you take some of this post to heart. It’s OK to take a break. It’s OK to skip the math lessons for a walk outside or to play a board game. Remember, we are not just doing school at home, but we are homeschooling. And to me, that means giving my children the tools they need to learn, not telling them what they need to learn. Feel free to reach out again!
-Kelly
needed to hear this today thank you
Your welcome Faylene!
And I am willing to be you are doing better than you think! Take a break if you need one, push your student when they need it. It’s a fine line to find the balance, but it’s out there somewhere. Best of luck!
-Kelly