Is My Homeschool Child Behind? One Simple Question To Find Out

As the school year quickly comes to an end, we homeschool moms can’t help but wonder, “Is my homeschool child behind?” As we look around and see what we missed over the last few months, this question buries itself deep inside. Nagging and refusing to let go… but are we even asking the right question?

Spring is here and for many homeschool families that can only mean one thing – the school year is almost over!

Many of us are scrambling to figure out the number of student days or the number of hours completed for our state homeschool requirements, and seeing how much additional time we need.

We are also looking at all those stacks of curriculum and evaluating our homeschool year so far to see if we have taught our children enough.

And, often, we are filled with questions such as, “Did my children learn enough the year?” “How have we only done this much?” and “How are we going to finish this all?“

But the worst question, the one that shakes a homeschool mom to her core and has us questioning our entire lives is this: Is my homeschool child behind?

A Common Homeschool Question

Every spring, this familiar question pops up in the homeschool groups I belong to online. Mom after mom posting that she is certain she is failing her child. Convinced that she cannot possibly do this. Positive that her child is behind because homeschooling did not go as planned this year.

But this begs the question: behind compared to whom?

Yet before we can even being the process of evaluating your homeschooled child and answering this nagging homeschooling question, we first have to deal with your emotions around the subject.

Dealing With Your Emotions

Before we can dig into evaluating if your homeschooled child is behind or not, let’s pause to acknowledge your emotions first.

Let’s give them space to flow freely so they can get out of your mind and heart.

Doing this is as simple as grabbing a notebook page, journal, or even a random receipt. Set a timer for 5 minutes and give yourself permission to write it all down. Dump every thought, feeling, fear, and all of your pent-up frustration, anger, and doubts right on those pages.

And if the timer goes off, and you need 5 more minutes, set it again and keep going.

It may seem counter-productive, but the best way to deal with your concerns is to first give them the space they need to get out of your mind so you can clear it and begin the process of evaluating your child and homeschool.

And this way you have space to get out the desire you have to compare your child to someone else. A space to record how much you want to dig out the state standards and inspect them with a fine-tooth comb. And the freedom to write down your plan of how you need to start cramming more lessons into a single day that is realistic.

Because these gut reactions are natural and common. We all go through them when the fear that we are failing as a homeschool mom starts building inside.

And while I don’t recommend you do any of them, I do think you need to acknowledge them, give them space, and get them out of your head and heart.

So take a moment. Take a breath. Start writing and begin freeing your mind so you can begin looking at the entire situation with fresh eyes.

Now, Back To Your Child

Now that you have allowed your fears to have some space, it’s time to get back to the question I asked: If you are wondering is my homeschool child behind, then I simply want to know, behind compared to whom?

Because your student may surpass mine in one subject, yet know less in another subject area.

And I’m willing to be if we got all of our home-educated students together we would see there are strengths and weaknesses all around. Each one is different for each student.

In fact, I can tell you that my 7th grader this year is at a different level in every subject compared to her brother, who just last year was in the 7th grade.

Not because one is behind or because one is ahead.

The reason for the difference is multifaceted.

She has different strengths than he does. He has different weaknesses than she does. She excels in different subjects than her brother. He has different passions and interests than she does. Even the curriculum is different in a couple of subjects this year than it was last year.

But the biggest reason of all is that they each have very different long-term educational goals. Meaning my goals for each of them are different. To compare the two directly would be grossly unfair to each of them.

Worse than trying to compare apples to oranges.

What We Need Is A New Perspective

So this year, as I am going through these groups, trying to help encourage and support these Moms I’ve started asking them one simple question.

A question designed to get them to stop looking at all the stacks of unfinished curriculum.

A question that takes their focus off of their perceived failures.

One that asks them to stop comparing their homeschooled child to anyone else.

And it’s simply this: does your child know more now than they did at the beginning of the school year?

A basic question but an important one because it gets us as homeschool parents to start thinking about the student. Thinking about one student and one student alone.

Not the other kids in the home. Not the cousin’s or friend’s kids in similar grades. Not the publically schooled students. Just your student.

One at a time.

Does he or she know more today than they did at the beginning of the school year?

So, Do They Know More?

If your answer is yes, then congratulations homeschool Momma, you have succeeded!!

Even if the books are unfinished and there are more wrinkles on your face, you succeeded at educating your child at home.

Regardless of whether you taught them everything you planned on. Regardless of whether the neighbor’s kids can do more complex math equations – you taught them.

Begin celebrating your child’s achievements and looking at their progress. Put together a homeschool binder and display their growth.

And every time you begin to wonder if your homeschool child is behind, flip through the pages and remind yourself just how far you and your child have come this year.

But What If… They Didn’t Learn?

Are you sure? Are you absolutely 100% sure that your child knows nothing more than they did last year? No new math concepts. No new spelling words? No new skills or abilities at all?

If you are in this category I urge you to look again. To look closely. Compare your child to where he or she was last year at this time, 6 months ago, or 3 months. Are they reading better or writing better? Can they answer questions about what you have read? Are they moving forward in math or history?

What about art, music, or a personal interest? Maybe academics were challenging, but have they found a passion that they are now exploring? Is their growth in an area that is not easily measured on a standard report because their growth did not occur in a standard way?

Or, back to asking questions about you… are you just concerned that you have a child below grade level?

Evaluating Your Homeschool Student Clearly

I hope you understand that I am not trying to make light of this situation.

I get that real homeschool moms all across the world are feeling the pressure to keep up. The pressure to prove their legitimacy as a homeschooler to themselves or their spouse or their family – even to the school districts they live.

And I know, that some out there claim to homeschool and they don’t. Parents who hide behind the mask of homeschooling to the detriment of their own children.

But I also know, that if you are sitting there feeling defeated as a homeschool mom, scouring the internet for help and guidance, worried that you are failing, then you are a great homeschool mom.

Because that’s what great homeschool moms do.

We worry and we stress and we look online to make sure we are doing this right. We make sure that we are giving our kids the best possible chance we can.

And we sometimes wonder if my homeschool child is behind because we don’t want to limit their future.

But what great home education looks like is truly different for each homeschool family and each home-educated child.

Embracing Homeschool Differences

One of the greatest things about homeschooling is our freedom to educate our children. The ability to customize and tailor their education to perfectly suit them.

Stressing over keeping up with other kids is kind of the opposite of that.

Instead, I invite you to take a step back if you find yourself sitting there wondering if your child is behind. Look over their pages from this school year and see how far they have come. Look for growth in both academics and character. Find the good because I know it’s there.

The pressure to keep up with or even surpass others will always be there – our society seems to thrive off competition – but don’t let that steal your joy.

Identifying Why Your Homeschool Child May Be Behind

And if you truly feel that your child is academically now where you would like them to be start looking for a clear reason why.

Was the curriculum not the right fit?

Was there a major life change (like a new sibling or a move)?

Is there a potential learning disability that has yet to be diagnosed?

Were your expectations too high?

Did you simply drop the ball this year?

Use those questions, and any others you can think of, to truly and honestly reflect on the school year. To pinpoint what went wrong and how to fix it.

The goal, of course, is to honestly and critically evaluate your student and homeschool year. To take the stress and emotion out of the equation and replace them with concrete answers and explanations.

Most likely, if you are honest in your evaluation you will find that your child did learn something over the past school year. It may not be as much as you had hoped for. It may not be as much as an older sibling did in prior years. And it probably won’t be the same for subsequent students in the same grade.

Odds are though, if you tried this year then your child did learn something.

Should We Summer School???

And finally, if your child is truly behind… if you can say without a shadow of a doubt that “my homeschooled child is behind” then it may be time to sit down and contemplate how to remedy that.

But only if they truly need additional time to focus on academics and increase their abilities.

Only if you are concerned that their level of education may impact their future then it may be time to actively look into either extending your school year or trying your hand at summer school.

For us, our school year doesn’t end when we hit our required number of state days. Our school year ends when I feel we have completed enough of the curriculum to move onto the next grade. Some years we can do that in the state-required 175-day school year. In other years, we keep going usually because we took too many days to do other things (or possibly, I dropped the ball!).

I don’t do this to punish my kids or penalize them. I do this because I truly feel that field trips and family days are just as important as their academic days.

If you are truly concerned that your student is behind, summer is a great opportunity to catch-up. Whether you are looking to just increase one area or maybe even complete a whole year it is possible, with some great planning and a whole lot of focus and determination.

While we prefer to take a summer vacation, summer school has become a common thing for homeschoolers with many simply adopting a year-round schooling approach. I’ve yet to meet a year-round homeschooler who regrets making the transition simply because it allows them more time to learn.

When It Comes To Homeschooling, What Is Behind For Any Child?

This idea of behind is one that I find personally quite frustrating. Yet the question of “is my homeschool child behind?” is a common one that plagues many homeschool moms.

For our family, though, I’m not so much interested in standards-based learning as I am teaching the whole child. Growing their character and understanding of the world is just as important to me as math facts and history dates.

Not every child learns at the same rate – this is true for both public and homeschooled students. Rather than fret over and worry about their academic differences, we should embrace them.

Yes, some of our children will grow up to become academics. They will be the future Einsteins of the world. Some of our children will grow up to become doctors and nurses and pilots. Some of them still will grow up to become tradespeople and keep things like electricity and plumbing running – something we should all be grateful for.

Yet they will all grow up. They all will go on to do things in this world and fulfill their purpose. And in the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter if they added on their fingers until the 4th grade or didn’t know the capital of France until the 5th.

Looking for some more homeschool encouragement and advice?

I would love for you to join me on Facebook in a group I created just for you!

This post has been updated from its original version published May 2018.