Hope In The Chaos Turns One! Reflecting On Our First Year

Early last year I started out on a journey. It was one I had been thinking about for a long time, but one I was terrified to take on. I started quietly researching this idea and slowly I gained more confidence. Slowly, I began to see this idea of mine taking shape in my mind. It was becoming something and I wanted to take it from hypothetical to reality.

So last April, I jumped in. With a name, an idea, and what I thought was ample research, I purchased a website and quietly began working on it.

To say there was a learning curve is an understatement. Creating and running your own website is not nearly as easy as they make it seem (they being the countless bloggers who teach blogging that I had been following and reading from for months).

Yet, I wanted this. And more importantly, I felt this was something I was supposed to do. So I kept at it. Working primarily after the day was done and my family was all asleep, I kept going. I kept learning about this new world of websites and design. Continued to push forward even when it felt impossible. Determined that this was something worth pursuing I sacrificed my own free time and sleep to learn all I could and put my own thoughts out there.

For you.

A year ago I jumped, feet first, into the deep end to launch Hope In The Chaos. And I am so grateful that I did.

Back To The Beginning

I can still remember the night I purchased my site. It was so surreal to simply type in my contact information and select a hosting plan and site name. Verify a payment method and your done.

And that was the easiest part of the whole evening.

Armed with a receipt from my new host and a plethora of directions from those other bloggers I sat down to tackle something that appeared on the surface to be easy.

Problem was, I soon found that I was in a foreign land surrounded by a language that I did not understand. And it seemed like no amount of directions was going to help me set up this site in a mere 15-minutes – no matter how many others said it was possible.

Ok, maybe I was slightly, overly, insanely optimistic. But, reality came back and gave me the lesson of a lifetime.

Thankfully, I’m a naturally stubborn person because I kept pushing through. Google became my new best friend as I worked on understanding the backside of my site, finally grasped the language of running a website. Ever so slowly began seeing my idea become a reality.

After a week of marathon learning, some by research and some by trial and error, I finally sat down to start writing. The site was far from perfect and far from ready to launch, but I needed to get some of these ideas out of my head and onto my screen. My first post was all about finishing the school year as strongly as we started it. It was nothing fantastic or memorable – in fact, I had to look it up to see just which one was first. But it was the first.

From there I added a few more, made some more changes and adjustments to the layout of the site, and kept working constantly. Looking for perfection and unwilling to settle for mediocre, I was determined that Hope In The Chaos was going to be something. I set myself a crazy deadline to finish the site and go live.

Hitting that button, the one that took my site from “under construction” to a live, searchable, readable by anyone site, was terrifying.

But quietly, in the middle of the night, I did it.

What Did I Just Do?

Hitting that button was unnerving, to say the least. I was live but that was the easy part really. Now the hard part truly began. All of the learning, all of the designing and planning meant nothing if I couldn’t get my site in front of readers.

This was when doubt decided to rear its ugly head. Why would anyone want to read my words? What did I really know anyway? Who did I think I was to be trying to help anyone?

Fear, doubt, insecurity. You name it, I felt it. So rather than sharing the site publically, I simply shared it with a very few, very select people in my life. People who I knew would give me honest feedback, who would support me, and who would help me be better. People in my life I could count on to critique and analyze what I was doing.

And that is just what they did. They gave me what I needed to be better. Not just a bunch of “it looks great” comments but real and honest feedback and support that was what I needed to go from a secret blogger to one who was putting herself out there.

Quite A Journey

Over the last year, I have learned more than I ever thought I could – and I still have so much more to learn. I have watched my site transform before my eyes from an idea to a reality.

I set out a year ago to create a space that was all about encouraging my readers. A place they could look to that wasn’t glossed over and about maintaining an image but rather one where they could see that chaos is real and they are not alone. Where Moms just like yourself could go for advice and support and know they are going to be ok. Where homeschoolers could look and see that normal is different for everyone and that learning can occur at a kitchen table, in the vehicle, or on the weekends. It’s not contained to a desk and “school hours.” And where faith could be openly discussed, learned, and grown.

This past year I have spent a lot of time developing my “ideal reader.” Trying to bring into focus the person I am writing for. That is not always easy but over time she has begun to come into focus.

And I realize, she is a lot like me. That seems to be typical in the world of blogging. We write to ourselves years ago sharing our own struggles, fears, challenges, and successes to those out there who are where we were. Writing to encourage and support a person who is stuck where we used to be. Wanting desperately to encourage them to keep going and push through. Providing hope that there is a light at the end of that tunnel.

“Over the past year you have been with me, and for that, I am so grateful.”

Turning One

Technically, this site has been an infant for the last year. And I’m sure it has shown. I’ve published some pretty bad pieces, more typos than I can count, and had more than my fair share of technical errors. Yet I kept going knowing that this was something I was supposed to do.

Now,  this site is leaving its infancy to enter the years of toddlerhood. A little older, slightly wiser, and a little too brave for its own good. Trying to come into its own, yet still a little shaky on its feet. But filled with a desire to keep going and keep learning.

Over the year you have been with me, and for that, I am so grateful. Grateful for each comment you have left on the site. Grateful for each post you shared with others. Grateful for each person who shared their email address with me. And grateful for each email you have sent me.

My hope is that you will stay with me as we embark on year two. That together, you and I will continue to grow. Grow as Moms, as homeschoolers, and a Christians. That we will be better than last year, take the ups and downs with grace, love our families, and continue trying to be better for the people in our lives that count on us.

And together, you and I will continue to look for the hope in the chaos of life.