Parenting Teens? You Need To Read “No Longer Little” {A Book Review}

I want to thank Hal and Melanie Young of Great Waters Press for the chance to review No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope.

As the old adage goes, parenting is not for the faint of heart. Just when you get one stage figured out a curveball is quickly thrown. Your sweet baby turns into a toddler, bold and defiant. Your once shy and reserved little kid comes home declaring they are a big kid and should be able to cross the street unattended. And your obedient and respectful big kid one day looks at you and dares to question or outright defy you.

Parenting has it’s fair share of ups and downs – and hopefully the ups outweigh the downs in the end – but getting to the end can be challenging. In our ever-changing society, the rules are always being changed and boundaries always questioned. No more is this ever-present then in the period known as the tween and teen years. A time of change for both of you, these are the final years and often the hardest. The years when your big kid will transition into a young adult may be filled with roller-coaster worthy shocks and thrills, but it’s imperative that you hold on for the ride. Even as they push you away, push the envelope, and push out into the world, your teen still needs you – even if they refuse to admit it.

I recently finished reading  No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope from Great Waters Press. And if you or someone you know is on the cusp of adolesce with their child, I urge you to grab a cup of coffee and read my full review!

No Longer Little

The older parents try to warn you. The parenting books do too. One day, that beautiful, sweet baby you cradled will wake up a different person. Growing at a ridiculous rate, along with other obvious changes, signifies your child has entered the teen years. Deny it all you want, but if it hasn’t happened yet, it will.

Me, well I have two that fit this category. My oldest child has been taller than me for over a year now and finds it hilarious to refer to me as “mini-Mum.” He’s quiet and reserved, kind, and wise. As the oldest child, he resembles the typical oldest, responsible, polite, protective, and appearing older than he is

My second oldest is the polar opposite. She’s pint-sized but makes up for it by taking command of a room. For all the quiet and solemn her brother posses, she is loud and boisterous. She is a natural comedian who loves to entertain. Helpful, kind, she has the biggest heart imaginable. However, she too resembles the classic second-born: competitive and determined that life should always be fair, not quite grasping yet that fair is not equal.

These two are both close in age, but couldn’t be more different if they tried. The perfect case-study for nature versus nurture, their personalities differ widely. Yet here we are, facing an interesting time in their lives as they both race to adulthood and my husband and I do our best to keep up.

Diving Right In

I’m not going to lie, this book seriously intrigued me! When I was pregnant I read lots of books on pregnancy. Same with when they were little. Somewhere along the lines though I stopped reading parenting books. Maybe it was a lack of time… we have four kids after all! Maybe it was a lack of options. I don’t really know. Maybe it was simply that after a few kids I did kind of feel as if I had a handle on this parenting thing.

Now I’m not sitting here today claiming to be a parenting genius, a Mom who has all the answers. Claiming such a thing would be beyond foolish. Every day I make at least one statement or ask one question that I feel I shouldn’t have to. Like that time I had to tell my then three-year-old not to touch the freckle on the back of the guy’s neck who was sitting in front of us. Or the time I had to ask my son why he kept a triangular shaped rock. (It looked like a dinosaur tooth.) Or the time my six-year-old declared he couldn’t finish his story, “in front of the kids.”

So when this book arrived I dove right in. Hal and Melanie write so relatably like you are reading a note from a friend. You are instantly pulled in as they share their own stories of parenting eight kids. No Longer Little is more a story to parents from a friend, filled with wisdom and care than a lecture from a parenting expert.

It’s filled with advice, guidance, and Biblical principals – all of which is something I want.

Getting Bigger, Emotional Rollercoasters, Mushy Brains, and more!

The first several chapters of this book cover the basics. Most of this you expect – your teen getting visible bigger and obvious signs of puberty – but some of this you may not. There is no definitive age for this to occur, making it all the more challenging as a parent. As a child, it can feel especially awkward to be on the far ends of the spectrum – either ahead of your peers and friends or on the tail end.

Yet one day you will find yourself looking at your child wondering why they are standing more like your husband then the little boy you tucked in the night before. Your daughter will begin to walk with the grace and poise of a woman rather than the awkward steps of a knock-kneed child. All the while, you are unsure which version of your child will wake up each morning – the calm, rational one of days gone by or the emotional and hormonal mess that suddenly appeared like a creature from an episode from the latest sci-fi series.

Yet, as Hal and Melanie so gracefully point out on page 49, “Don’t freak out! After all, God assigned us to be the parents of these particular children…”

Particularly interesting to me was pages 30-31 (or all of chapter 3 really). This is where I read about mushy brains and I shared this beautiful tidbit of information with my children. In fact, this is where I learned a key bit of information that explains so much. It was like a complete light-bulb moment for me to read, “The crazy absentmindedness and distraction of this age often can’t be helped. During puberty, the part of the brain changing the most is the area that controls executive functions… Neurologists say that during early adolescence, these parts of the brain actually unravel; there truly is a temporary loss of function as the neurons re-assemble into their adult configurations. (No Longer Little, pages 30-31)”

To say I’ve experienced this is an understatement. With two kids in the tween/teen age range, I’ve had more than a few interactions with this mushy brain of theirs. While it’s exhausting for the parent and child alike though, it’s something that they cannot control.

Mushy brain, however, does not excuse laziness or disobedience. So while mushy brain quickly became a running joke in my home, it is something that is a reality and will apparently be around for a while.

The Talk

Following the introductory chapters of No Longer Little, comes chapter 5. Simply titled, The Awakening, this chapter dives right into a topic most parents shy away from. In fact, as Hal and Melanie mention in the book, it was even a topic they slid over quickly during presentations and seminars.

The reality though was that parents were craving help when it comes to talking about sex with their children. Sure, they knew how to explain the birds and the bees, but how did they go about addressing when their children start to notice members of the opposite sex? And how could they possible battle the current state of our culture which screams the opposite of Biblical teachings when it comes to purity, dating, and marriage?

Hal and Melanie quickly realized there was a strong need for help here, and this chapter does not disappoint. With plenty of Biblical backing, they cover the topics of purity (both of the body and of the mind) with care, concern, and dignity.

However, if you are looking for more information you can check out Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality also from Great Waters Press.

Culture Clash

Oddly enough, I was pleasantly surprised to see No Longer Little tackle the topic of electronics, the internet, and social media. Often these items are treated as a gateway to unspeakable horrors, things to be avoided by “good” Christian parents. Hal and Melanie taking a refreshingly open stance and urge a cautious balance.

The obvious dangers to these items include addiction, predators, and opening up a Pandora’s box of material unsuitable to your children. Yet the reality is that these items have become a quite necessary part of our society. Even churches have embraced social media as a way to connect with members.

Instead of baring these items, parents are encouraged to take safety precautions while teaching their children how to responsibly and safely uses these tools.

Social Struggles, Awkwardness, and Struggles At Home

As any parent of a teen can attest to, even homeschooled children face one if not more of these situations. As I read through these particular chapters I had no problem picking out my own children. In fact, I truly think I could have written a lot of them!

At one point I found myself texting my husband an excerpt from one particularly interesting section that spoke about older siblings and younger siblings. This was what I need to read. This is what I needed to hear. All this child was going through was normal and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

However, as normal as these struggles are they are not permission to allow bad behavior to go uncorrected. A crucial theme throughout this book is the correction of behavior and identifying the root cause. Repeatedly, parents are reminded of the great promise of Ephesians 6:1 and Exodus 20:12 – that obeying your parents is good for you. Even as you work to transition your child from childhood to adulthood, they do need to remember the blessings of these verses.

And you as a parent are responsible for not only requiring Biblical obedience but offering both mercy and grace when they are needed. It’s a tricky balance, as any parent can attest too.

So, So Much More

There really is so much more in this book than I have covered – then I think I could cover in a whole series of posts. From the first page, this book drew me right in. I’ve read things that were pretty common, other that were shocking. Statistics and data that I didn’t want to read, but needed to know anyway.

Yet, throughout the book, the theme of parenting with both grace and hope are ever present. These ideas are not just a foot-note or part of some marketing ploy designed to get you buying. Rather, they are the crux with which the book is based. This idea that you can navigate the teen years and come out on the other end with a child who is no longer a child but an adult. An adult who is strong, confident, poised, and more importantly, grounded in their faith if you are willing to put in the time and effort needed.

This world doesn’t make Biblical parenting easy, yet with parents who are determined, it can be done. Thankfully this book covers the entire plethora of items and subjects that are relevant to your teen. I’ve already mentioned most of them but did want to let you know there is also information on celebrating their growth and transition from childhood to adulthood. As well, you can find guidance and support for teaching them to be producers rather than consumers. This section includes two very heartwarming stories of generosity from their own children – one who purchased ice cream for the family and one who purchased and completed repairs on an older vehicle. In both of these stories, the children had been saving up for their own purchases, yet they saw the opportunity to give and be kind.

This hit me particularly hard as a parent who is struggling to learn when to say yes when my own children are offering to supply something for the family. My gut instinct is to say no, keep your money. Yet, allowing them to show love and kindness, and have the blessings that come with that gesture, urge me to say yes. To let them experience what it’s like to be a giver.

Finally, this book ends with thoughts on the future of your child, who will come out of the teen years no longer a child. It’s a journey you will both be on together, and both of you will come through changed. These changes are crucial though for both of you and should be celebrated rather than feared.

I’m Not A Baby Anymore

The other night my eight-year-old was getting ready for bed. As always he came down after getting ready for his second round of good-nights. With four kids to get ready bed-time can take a few moments and no one wants to miss saying good-night to Mom and Dad.

He was heading up the stairs and said goodnight to me, and I responded with “good night baby boy,” a nickname from years ago that was part of a song I made up for him.

Tonight, however, he boldly declared, “I’m not a baby anymore.” Be still my heart, because I’m not sure I’m ready for this yet.

However, if I’m being honest with myself I can see him barreling towards the crossroads that is the tween and teen years. At eight he is much closer to this phase in life than the first ones. He’s already gaining in height and strength and showing signs of wanting to keep up with his older brother. Good natured haggling between the two occurs on a regular basis as my older son claims his status for now.

It happens quickly and without warning. Even though we know when our babies are handed to us for the first time that the teen years are down the road they seem like a million miles away. Until that is, you wake up and realize that shaving needs to happen, acne is occurring, and deodorant is a necessity. No longer are they little, but charging full speed ahead towards adulthood. Our job here is to simultaneously hold on for the ride, navigate, and slowly give over the reigns.

The reality is that it’s a trying time for both parent and child, yet one that can be handled. It’s been handled for thousands of years. And with No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope from Great Waters Press you too can navigate these waters.